Apart from having accidentally deleted the login page for this blog (oops!) I haven’t updated since the 6 month review because it knocked me back a fair bit.It did not go well, basically, and if I don’t dramatically improve then I will have difficulties come the review in June. I was surprised, to be honest. I know I’ve not done my best work because I’ve had personal things to deal with and been doing more paid work as a result, which obviously eats into study time - inevitably, really, with another 7 hours forcibly away plus the additional tiredness that results! I’d also switched topics gradually, as I refocused into a less researched, more specific area, which actually resulted in a change of primary supervisor at the panel to one who was more in the area I was now looking at. But I’d been very up front about all that, and was under the impression prior to this that what I was doing was with the agreement of my supervisors; that I was doing so badly came out of the blue.

So, I cried a bit, ate some chocolate, drank some wine, and then got more determined.

At the moment, I’m writing a chapter on the theatricals in Mansfield Park, comparing the actions and characters in Mansfield Park to Lover’s Vows (the play the Bertram family prepare to perform) which is really interesting, and not at all what I thought I’d be doing last September! It’s the kind of close analysis that I enjoy. It’s not looking at the language, which can be interesting but wouldn’t keep me for long as I’ve always been more on the literature side, but it looks at the characters, and why they do the things they do, and how what the characters in MP do mirrors the LV plot, which is fascinating.

One thing about my field I’ve always felt hesitant about are the critics who claim that ‘this is what the author must have been thinking’. I just don’t think you can have that level of certainty - unless obviously they’ve written that somewhere! 99.5% of what I do is interpretation, and while it’s not going to save the world or anything, it makes reading so much more interesting to me, to bring all the knowledge of my own previous reading, and the author’s other work, and all kinds of things like that. There are very few authors who would be able to consciously hold that in their head and write a compelling story at the same time. Dickens may be the only one!

Then, there’s the arguments critics have amongst themselves. The ones who read the letters of Austen’s friends and family, and conclude that she loved the theatre and Mansfield Park is a result of her childhood participation, and those who think that she hated her childhood experiences and criticises everyone who took part in the Mansfield Park peformance. Personally, I lean more towards the former, particularly when reading about her juvenilia and the elopement of her brother and cousin, which I need to investigate further if I get a chance - but there I go, putting thoughts into the author’s head when I have no way of knowing what she thought.

This time of year is also the time of the application. My academic life so far, September-December has been miserable. it’s been a round of applying for a place (Masters, PhD) and then come the funding applications. Each require their own specific form, a carefully tailored personal statement and often a budget (all, of course, with different requirements) and they all need consideration as to what this particularly funder wants, what they have available and the amounts they like to give. All of which takes time away from actual study time.

That said, I think I’m bouncing back considerably. I have written half a first draft of the chapter, and should have it finished by the bank holiday with another two weeks to redraft and edit to tie all the section in together. I’ve also submitted two funding applications, with a third on my desk, and two conference abstracts, one of which I’ve heard was liked but didn’t fit with the programme (I’m not sure yet if that’s academic code for ‘you suck’ but am choosing to take it positively!), and I should hear about the other in a couple of weeks. Going out has actually helped a lot. I went and made my karaoke debut in Manchester on Tuesday with some friends, and went out on Thursday night after rehearsal for a friend’s birthday. I think the key is to keep nights out on days when I have to get up to go to paid work, because then I will, whereas the temptation otherwise to have another hour’s sleep…or two, and it’s focused me in saying ‘I need to work now because I’m going out then’. Then there’s the fact that I really don’t know any PhD students and as I’m now living on my own, seeing other people and just getting out of the flat is a real boost.