I absolutely was right to panic. As it turned out, my supervision discussing Wilkie COllins went pretty well - interesting subject, decent amount of research done, had a really good conversation about it and came out with some useful ideas.

However.

I should have paid more attention to the throwaway remark ‘it’s a shame you did a creative writing MA instead of a critical one’.

At my 9-month panel (I refuse to call it a year because it wasn’t) my supervisors recommended that I withdraw from the PhD to pursue the MPhil instead. Essentially, my writing (after being permitted to start writing in December) was not yet up to PhD standard. Those who know me in person have had me whine enough about this and a semblance of professionalism is probably a good idea, so I won’t say much about it here. I do think it would be a good idea for supervisors to have a clue about my background (the fact that they thought I had a drama degree indicates a lot of good research, rather than an actual drama background, given my degree in English), and writing ‘I don’t know the plot’, ‘What’s happening here’ and a character list on the notes doesn’t fill me with confidence.

This was at the end of June, and I’ve spent some time trying to figure out what to do. I have an interview for a PGCE place on the 25th and am preparing for that at the moment, while trying to read on social class and working women at the end of the 19th century for my paper at Lampeter. I’ve decided to keep the paper going, and go for the interview, and make a final decision once I hear whether I’ve been successful in getting a place.

My life is not at all where I thought it would be a year ago. I’m trying to feel this as a positive thing but some days that’s very, very difficult.