This is still being finished to create a genuine 'mustard' ambience, and add links at certain important points. It'll take ages to finish, basically

FIGHT CLUB
by
Jim Uhls
based on a novel by Chuck Palahnuik

(this layout and description by mustard)

OPENING CREDITS...PULL BACK THROUGH SWEAT GLAND TO GUN BARREL STICKING IN JACK'S MOUTH.

JACK (V.O.)
(in a dry, patient tone, like all the voice-overs)
People were always asking me if I knew Tyler Durden.

FADE IN:

INT. SOCIAL ROOM - TOP FLOOR OF HIGH RISE -- NIGHT

TYLER holds a HANDGUN with the barrel lodged in JACK'S MOUTH.

They are both sweating and dishevelled, both around 30; Tyler looks exactly like a movie star and Jack looks like an ordinary guy - but in a nice way.

Tyler looks at his watch.

TYLER
One minute.
(looking out window)
This is the beginning. Ground zero. Do you want to say a few words, to mark the occasion?

JACK
... i... ann....iinn.. ff....nnyin...

JACK (V.O.)
With a gun barrel between your teeth, you only speak in vowels.

Tyler pulls the gun out of Jack's mouth.

TYLER
Excuse me?

JACK
(sulkily)
I can't think of anything.

JACK (V.O.)
For a second, I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wondered how clean this gun is.
He makes spitty grimaces.

Tyler checks his pocket watch over-casually, and looks out across the city.

TYLER
It's getting exciting now.

JACK (V.O.)
That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works double the other way.

Jack turns so that he can see down -- 31 STORIES.

(The camera swoops down and across, into a van through a bullet-hole, and along to similar basements)

JACK (V.O.)
We have front row seats for this Theatre of Mass Destruction. The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of ten buildings with blasting gelatine. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and those buildings will be reduced to smouldering rubble.
I know this because Tyler knows this.

TYLER
Think of what we've accomplished. Thirty seconds.

JACK (V.O.)
And somehow, I realise all of this -- the gun, the bombs, the revolution -- is really about a girl called Marla Singer.

Huge close-up of Jack's face, badly bruised, worried. This match-cuts to a cleaner face being pushed against TWO LARGE BREASTS that belong to...BOB, 45, a vast soft man. He pushes Jack's head into his chest and weeps openly.

JACK (V.O.)
Bob had bitch tits.

PULL BACK to wide on...

INT. CHURCH MEETING ROOM - NIGHT

Men are paired off, hugging, talking in emotional tones. Near the door, a SIGN on a stand: "REMAINING MEN TOGETHER."

JACK (V.O.)
This was a support group for men with testicular cancer. The big moosie slobbering all over me...that was Bob.

BOB
(tearily)
We're still men.
JACK
(tired and faintly ironic)
Yes. We're men. Men is what we are.

JACK (V.O.)
Six months ago, Bob's testicles were removed. Then hormone therapy. He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the oestrogen. That was where my head fit -- into his huge, sweating tits that hung enormous, the way we think of God's as big.

BOB
They're gonna have to open my pecs again to drain the fluid.

Bob hugs tighter; then looks with empathy into Jack's eyes.

BOB
Okay. You cry now.

Jack looks at Bob. He then turns his head to ponder his place in the scene.

JACK (V.O.)
Wait. Back up. Let me start over here.

INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jack lies in bed, staring reflectively at the ceiling.

JACK (V.O.)
Like many of you, I was stuck. I couldn't sleep.

INT. COPY ROOM - DAY

Jack, sleepy, stands over a copy machine. His Starbucks cup sits on the lid, moving back and forth as the machine copies. His long, gloomy face is intermittently lit with an eerie glow.

JACK (V.O.)
With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything
is a copy of a (Tyler frame) copy of a copy.

Other people make copies, all with Starbucks cups, sipping. Jack picks up his cup and his copies and leaves.

INT. JACK'S OFFICE - SAME

Jack, sipping, stares blankly at a Starbucks bag on the floor, full of newspapers and FAST FOOD GARBAGE. The camera floats through enormous food packets like parked spaceships.

JACK (V.O.)
When deep space exploration ramps up, it will be corporations that name everything. The IBM Stellar Sphere. The Microsoft Galaxy. Planet Starbucks.

Jack looks up as a pudgy man, Jack's BOSS, enters, Starbucks cup in hand, and slides a stack of reports on Jack's desk. His head is out of shot.

BOSS
I'm going to need you out-of-town a little more this week. We've got some "red-flags" to cover.

JACK (V.O.)
It must've been Tuesday. he was wearing his "cornflower-blue" tie.

JACK
(in a neutral drone)
You want me to de-prioritise my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?

BOSS
(not catching the sarcasm)
You need to make these your primary "action items." Here are your flight coupons. Call me from the road if there are any snags.

JACK (V.O.)
He was full of pep. Must've had his Grande latte enema.
(He cranes his neck to follow the putative enema)

INT. BATHROOM - JACK'S CONDO - NIGHT

Jack sits on the toilet, CORDLESS PHONE to his ear, flips through an "FURNI" catalogue. He is wearing a shirt and tie, but no trousers. It is not a good look for him.

JACK (V.O.)
Like everyone else, I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct.

VOICE ON PHONE
Hello, Furni?

JACK
(into phone)
Yes. I'd like to order the Erika Pekkari dust ruffles.

Jack drops the open catalogue on the floor and wanders round the apartment with the phone.

MOVE IN ON CATALOGUE -- In a highly-detailed effects scene, the catalogue springs to life and every item appears as he mentions it. The item's catalogue description floats alongside.

JACK (V.O.)
If I saw something like a clever coffee table in the shape of a yin and yang, I had to have it.

The COFFEE TABLE appears, with catalogue entry.

JACK (V.O.)
Like the Johanneshov armchair in the Strinne green stripe pattern...

INT. LIVING ROOM/DINING AREA/KITCHEN

The armchair APPEARS. PAN OVER next to armchair...

JACK (V.O.)
Or the Rislampa wire lamps of environmentally-friendly unbleached paper.

The lamps APPEAR. PAN OVER to wall...

JACK (V.O.)
Even the Vild hall clock of galvanised steel, resting on the Klipsk shelving unit.

The clock APPEARS as the shelving unit APPEARS on the wall.

JACK (V.O.)
I would flip through catalogues and wonder, "What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" We used to read pornography. Now it was the Horchow Collection.

A dining room set APPEARS. Jack, the cordless phone still glued to his ear, walks INTO FRAME and continues.

Jack opens a cabinet and looks at his plates.

JACK (V.O.)
I had it all. Even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of wherever.

He rummages through the refrigerator. It contains very little real food, but a silly array of sauces. Jack takes out a jar of mustard, opens it and uses a butter knife to eat out of it.

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Jack, looking like chewed string, sits before an INTERN, who studies him with cynical disinterest.

INTERN
(wearily)
No, you can't die of insomnia.

JACK
Maybe I died already. Look at my face.

INTERN
You need to lighten up.

JACK
Can't you give me something?

JACK (V.O.)
Red-and-blue Tuinal, lipstick-red Seconals.

INTERN
(overlapping w/ above)
You need healthy, natural sleep. Chew valerian root and get some more exercise.

JACK
(little worried frown, but no real emotion)
What about narcolepsy? I wake up in strange places, I have no idea how I got there.

The Intern ushers Jack to the door. They step into the...

INT. HALLWAY

The Intern walks away from Jack, picks up a chart.

JACK
Come on, I'm in pain here.

INTERN
You want to see pain? Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights. See the guys with testicular cancer. That's (Tyler flash) pain.

The Intern moves into the other room. Jack stares after him.

EXT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH - NIGHT

Jack heads for the front door.

INT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH MEETING ROOM - NIGHT

Jack stares at a group of men, including Bob, who are all listening to a group member speak at a lectern. The SPEAKER has pale skin and sunken eyes -- he's clearly dying.

SPEAKER
I... wanted three kids. Two boys and a girl. Mindy wanted two girls and one boy. We never could agree on anything.

The Speaker cracks a sad smile. Some men chuckle, happy to lighten the mood.

SPEAKER
Well, she had her first child a month ago, a girl, with her new husband... And, thank god. I'm glad for her, because she deserves...

The speaker breaks down, WEEPS UNCONTROLLABLY.

Jack watches. A couple of the men go up to the speaker, comforting him, leading him away. A LEADER comes up and takes the Speaker by the shoulders.

LEADER
Everyone, let's thank Thomas for sharing himself with us.

Jack, uncomfortable, joins EVERYONE ELSE:

EVERYONE
(in unison)
Thank you, Thomas.

LEADER
(in glowing therapy-speak)
I look around this room and I see a lot of courage. And it gives me strength. We give each other strength.

Jack looks around. Many of the men are sniffling, sobbing. Jack squirms in his seat.

LEADER
It's time for the one-on-one. Let's follow Thomas's example and open ourselves. (Tyler flash)

Everyone gets out of their chairs and begins pairing-off. Jack sits, uncomfortable.

LEADER
Can everyone find a partner?

Bob, his chin down on his chest, starts toward Jack, shuffling his feet. Jack looks terrified.

JACK (V.O.)
The big moosie, his eyes already shrink-wrapped in tears. Knees together, invisible steps.

BOB
I'm Bob, and I need a hug.

Bob takes Jack's hand and drags him to his feet, then hugs him.

JACK (V.O.)
Bob was a champion bodybuilder. You know that chest expansion program you see on TV? That was his idea.

BOB
...using steroids. I was a juicer. Diabonol, then, Wisterol -- it's for racehorses, for Christsake. Now I'm bankrupt, divorced, my two grown kids won't return my calls...

JACK (V.O.)
Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.

Bob breaks into sobbing, putting his head on Jack's shoulder and completely covering Jack's face. After a long beat of crying, Bob raises up his head, looks at Jack's NAME TAG.

BOB
Go ahead, Cornelius. You can cry.

They look at each other. Jack looks plain frightened. Bob forces Jack's head onto his ample bosom, meeting some resistance.

JACK (V.O.)
Then... something happened. I was lost in oblivion -- dark and silent and complete.

Jack tightens his arms around Bob, and starts sobbing loudly.

JACK (V.O.)
I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

Jack pulls away from Bob. On Bob's chest, there's a WET MASK of Jack's face from how he looks weeping.

INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jack lies sound asleep.

JACK (V.O.)
Babies don't sleep this well.

INT. CHURCH CORRIDOR.

JACK (V.O.)
I became addicted.

Jack faces a notice board, with a list of meetings with names like 'Glorious Day'. He looks sneakily around, and then steals the list. The next scenes are intercut with him ringing meeting groups in the newspaper and yellow pages.

INT. SMALL PROTESTANT CHURCH - NIGHT

Jack stands in the centre of a group of people who all decide to hug around him. He looks puzzled for a minute, and then is buried in bodies.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING BASEMENT - NIGHT

Jack stands with a weeping middle-aged WOMAN. He begins to cry along with her. A sign by the door: "Onward and Upward."

JACK (V.O.)
If I didn't say anything, people assumed the worst. They cried harder. I cried harder.

INT. PUBLIC BUILDING CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT

Everyone, including Jack, sits back in their seats, EYES CLOSED. The Leader speaks into a microphone.

LEADER
(She is a real princess of the soothing voice)
Tonight, we're going to open the green door -- the heart chakra...

JACK (V.O.)
I wasn't really dying, I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little centre that the life of this world crowded around.

LEADER
...And you open the door and you step inside. We're inside our hearts. Now, imaging your pain as a white ball of healing light. That's right, the pain itself is a ball of healing light.

Jack, eyes closed, is silent...

LEADER
It moves over your body, healing you. Keep this going and step forward, through the back door of the room. Where does it lead? To your cave. Step forward into your cave.

INT. CAVE - JACK'S IMAGINATION

Jack walks along, moving through an ICE CAVERN...
His breath puffs out visibly and he walks slowly and dreamily away from the entrance.

LEADER'S VOICE
That's right. You're going deeper into your cave. And you're going to find your power animal...

Jack stops before a small hole. A sweet PENGUIN shuffles out and cocks her head at Jack. He cocks his head too, puzzled.

PENGUIN
(in a serene, rather coy voice)
Slide.

The penguin chuckles and jumps onto a patch of ICE, sliding past Jack into the darkness. Jack watches her go, surprised.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Jack walks out a doorway, saying good-bye to people. He walks down the sidewalk, shining with peace.

JACK (V.O.)
Every evening I died and every evening I was born again.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH MEETING ROOM -
RESUMING

Jack's still in an embrace with Bob.

JACK (V.O.)
Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, my face against his tits, ready to cry -- this was my vacation.

MARLA SINGER enters. She looks like a Judy Garland goth doll.

JACK (V.O.)
And she ruined everything.

Marla looks around, raises a cigarette to her lips.

MARLA
This is cancer, right?

Bob and Jack stare, dumbfounded.

INT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH MEETING ROOM - LATER

Everyone paired-off. MOVE THROUGH ROOM... FIND JACK'S FACE as he stares... MOVE THROUGH ROOM... FIND MARLA'S FACE. She's drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette.

JACK (V.O.)
This ... chick ... Marla Singer ... did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar.

INT. SMALL PROTESTANT CHURCH - NIGHT

Marla sits with the group, smoking, listening intently while a member speaks. Jack sits across from her, glowering. He looks about five.

JACK (V.O.)
She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at my melanoma Monday night group ...

INT. CATHOLIC CATHEDRAL - NIGHT

Marla sits at the end of a row, smoking. All the faces down the row are turned toward her, incredulous...

JACK (V.O.)
... and at "Free and Clear," my blood parasites group Thursdays.

Jack leans out further than the others, scornful.

JACK (V.O.)
-- And, again, at "Seize The Day," my tuberculosis Friday night.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH MEETING ROOM - ANOTHER NIGHT

Jack watches... Marla's eyes are closed, her head on the shoulder of the MAN she's embraced by. She opens her eyes, catching Jack's stare. Jack looks away.

JACK (V.O.)
Marla -- the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie.

Marla rests her chin on the man's shoulder. Tears roll down her cheeks. She wipes at them.

EXT. FIRST METHODIST CHURCH - NIGHT

Marla walks out with the group. Jack exits away from them, and watches Marla walk off for a long time.(Tyler flash).

JACK (V.O.)
And suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry. So, once again, I couldn't sleep.

INT. BEDROOM - LATER
Jack is lying in bed, his arms around his head, balefully awake.

JACK (V.O.)
Next group, after guided meditation, after we open our chakras, when it's time to hug, I'm going to grab that little bitch, Marla Singer, pin her arms against her sides and say...

INT. MEETING ROOM - NIGHT - JACK'S IMAGINATION

CLOSE ON JACK as he CLAMPS his arms around Marla. She is smoking fiercely and her eye makeup is very smudged.

JACK
(with a force not seen in him before)
Marla, you liar, you big tourist! I need this! Get out!

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jack, in pyjamas, stares at Home Shopping Network on his TV. There is an advert for one of those 'look a bit less bald' sprays.

JACK (V.O.)
When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake. I hadn't slept in four days...

INT. SMALL PROTESTANT CHURCH - NIGHT

Jack walks in and joins the crowd, looking around. People are chattering with each other. It's the find-your-cave group.

LEADER
Okay, everyone.

Everyone sits in pews, facing the lectern. They are scattered sparsely. Jack catches sight of Marla.

LEADER
To open tonight's communion, Chloe would like to say a few words.

Taking the lectern is CHLOE, a pale, sickly girl whose skin stretches yellowish and tight over her bones. She wears a head bandage. She clears her throat.

JACK (V.O.)
Ahh, Chloe. Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around a party being extra nice to everyone.

CHLOE
Well, I'm still here -- but I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. but I've got some good news -- I no longer have any fear of death.

APPLAUSE from around the room.

CHLOE
But... I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, (she leans right into the microphone) and lubricants and amyl nitrate ...

The LEADER gingerly takes control of the microphone.

LEADER
Thank you, Chloe. Everyone, let's thank Chloe.

EVERYONE
Thank you, Chloe.

LEADER
Now, you're standing at the entrance to your cave. You step inside your cave and you walk. Keep walking.

Jack sneaks a look at Marla, who has her eyes closed.

JACK (V.O.)
If I did have a tumour, I'd name it Marla. Marla...the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.

LEADER
Now, find your power animal.

INT. CAVE - JACK'S IMAGINATION

Jack finds Marla sitting like a queen in the cave's centre. She is dressed in black and smoking a cigarette. Marla cocks her head, indicating where she wants him to sit

MARLA
(in a casual, throaty voice)
Slide.

Jack backs away, looking disturbed.

INT. SMALL PROTESTANT CHURCH - RESUMING

Jack's eyes open and turn to Marla, watching her blow smoke rings with her eyes closed.

INT. SMALL PROTESTANT CHURCH - MEETING ROOM

Everyone stands and mills about, making coffee and avoiding each other.

LEADER
Pick someone special to you tonight.

STAY ON JACK AND MARLA as Jack CLAMPS his arms around her. He whispers into her ear.

JACK
We need to talk.

MARLA
Sure.

They walk across the hall a little, muttering.

JACK
I'm on to you. You're a faker. You aren't dying.

MARLA
What?

Jack stops and confronts her with his usual ironic drone.

JACK
Okay, in the Sylvia Plath, Tibetan philosophy way, we're all dying. But you're not dying the way Chloe back there is dying.

LEADER
Tell the other person how you feel.

JACK
(casting an irritated glance at the leader)
You're a tourist. I saw you at melanoma, tuberculosis and (he breaks into an incredulous grimace) testicular cancer.

MARLA
(with shiny amusement)
And I saw you practicing this...

JACK
Practicing what?

MARLA
Telling me off. Is it going as well as you hoped... ? (reads his name tag) "... Rupert."?

JACK
(pointing with an attempt at determination)
I'll expose you.

MARLA
Go ahead. I'll expose you.

LEADER
Share yourself completely.

Marla puts her head down on Jack's shoulder as if she were crying. Jack rolls his eyes but lets her stay.

JACK
Why are you doing this?

MARLA
It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee. Why do you do it?
JACK

I... I don't know. I guess... when people think you're dying, they really listen, instead...

MARLA
- Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.

JACK
Yeah.

Brief recognition between them, broken as the Leader passes.

JACK
It becomes an addiction.

MARLA
Really?

Jack pulls away urgently.

JACK
Look, I can't cry with another faker present.

MARLA
Candy-stripe a cancer ward. It's not my problem.

JACK
Please. Can't we do something... ?

Marla starts out of the room. Jack follows her.

EXT. CHURCH - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Marla gets to the sidewalk, moving quickly along.

JACK
We'll split up the week. You can have lymphoma, tuberculosis and --

MARLA
You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.

JACK
I think testicular cancer should be no contest.

MARLA
Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.

JACK
You're kidding.

He hurries to catch up and follows Marla into...

INT. LAUNDROMAT - CONTINUOUS

Marla goes up to three or four DRYERS. She takes out clothes, picks out jeans, pants and shirts.

MARLA
I'll take the parasites.

JACK
You can't have both parasites. You can take blood parasites --

MARLA
I want brain parasites.

JACK
Okay. I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --

MARLA
I want that.

JACK
(presses his temples tiredly)
You can't have the whole brain!

MARLA
So far, you have four and I only have two!

JACK
Then, take blood parasites. It's yours. Now we each have three.

Marla gathers the chosen garments and heads out past Jack...

EXT. SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

Jack follows, bewildered.

JACK
You... left half your clothes.

Marla rolls her eyes derisively and drifts into the traffic. Marla walks on, oblivious as CARS screech to a halt, HORNS BLARING. Jack dashes, following...

INT. THRIFT STORE - CONTINUOUS

Marla drops the pile of clothes on a counter. An old CLERK sifts through the clothes, begins writing on a pad.

JACK
(nastily)
What, are you selling those?

Marla steps down hard on Jack's foot. He winces in pain.

MARLA
(for the Clerk to hear)
Yes, I'm selling some clothes.

The Clerk starts to ring up the assessed amounts.

MARLA
So, we each have three -- that's six. What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.

JACK (V.O.)
The girl had done her homework.

JACK
I want bowel cancer.

The Clerk gives a strange look as he hands money to Marla.

MARLA
That's your favourite, too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?

JACK
We'll split it. You get it the first and third Sunday of the month.

MARLA
Deal.

They shake. Jack tries to withdraw his hand; Marla holds it.

MARLA
Looks like this is good-bye.

JACK
Let's not make a big thing out of it.

She walks to the door, pocketing money, not looking back.

MARLA
How's this for not making a big thing?

Jack watches her go. A moment, then he follows after...

EXT. SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

Jack hurries after her, until he reaches the road-edge. She is in the road, calmy between busy lanes of traffic.

JACK
Um... Marla, should we maybe exchange numbers?

MARLA
Should we?

JACK
In case we want to switch nights.

MARLA
I suppose.

She walks through two lanes to the pavement. Jack takes out a business card, writes his number on the back, hands it to her. She takes the pen, grabs his hand and writes her number on his palm. He looks sarcastic.

She walks back into the road, causing more SCREECHING and HONKING. She turns, holds up the card.

MARLA
It doesn't have your name. Who are you? Cornelius? Rupert? Any of the stupid names you give each night?

A BUS moves into view, obscuring her.

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - DAY

The plane touches down; the cabin BUMPS. Jack's eyes open. He looks surprisingly pink and healthy.

JACK (V.O.)
You wake up at O'Hare.

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - DAY

Jack snaps awake again, looking around, disoriented.

JACK (V.O.)
You wake up at SeaTac.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DUSK

The rear of a CRASHED CAR sticks up by the side of the road. Jack stands by it, taking photgraphs. He is terribly thin. The SUN SETS behind. The shot is beautifully composed, with a line of trees stretching to the frame edge.

INT. AIRPORT - NIGHT

Jack stands at a gate counter. An ATTENDANT smiles at him.

ATTENDANT
Check-in for that flight doesn't begin for another two hours, Sir.

Jack looks with blearing eyes at his watch, steps away and looks at an overhanging CLOCK.

JACK (V.O.)
Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - DAY

Jack's eyes snap open as the plane LANDS. He looks awful.

JACK (V.O.)
You wake up at Air Harbor International.

INT. AIRPORT WALKWAY

Jack stands on a conveyor belt, briefcase at his feet. He watches PEOPLE MOVING PAST on the opposite conveyor.

JACK (V.O.)
If you wake up at a different time and in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

Jack misses seeing TYLER on the opposite conveyor belt. They pass each other.

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - IN FLIGHT - NIGHT

Jack sits and watches an attendant bring food. We MOVE IN ON Jack's tray. An ATTENDANT'S HANDS set coffee down with a small container of cream.

JACK (V.O.)
Everywhere I travel -- tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter.

CUT TO:

HANDS place a dinner tray down. It looks like the opposite of edible nutrition.

JACK (V.O.)
Microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Jack brushes his teeth in the MIRROR.

JACK (V.O.)
Shampoo/conditioner combo. Single-serving mouthwash, tiny bar of soap.

Jack picks up an individual, wrapped Q-TIP, looks at it. He moves out of the bathroom into...

MAIN ROOM

Jack sits on the bed. He turns on the TV. It's tuned to the "Sheraton Channel," shows WAITERS greeting the camera. One of them is Tyler. Jack stops brushing his teeth, feels something on the bed, lifts it -- a small DINNER MINT.

JACK (V.O.)
The people I meet on each flight -- they're single-serving friends. Between take-off and landing, we have our time together, but that's all we get.

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - LANDING

Jack's eyes snap open.

JACK (V.O.)
You wake up at Logan.

INT. WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS

A giant corrugated METAL DOOR opens.

JACK (V.O.)
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Two TECHNICIANS lead Jack to the BURNT-OUT SHELL of a WRECKED AUTOMOBILE. Jack sets down his briefcase, opens it and starts to make notes on a CLIPBOARDED FORM.

JACK (V.O.)
I'm a recall co-ordinator. My job is to apply the formula. It's a story problem.

TECHNICIAN #1
Here's where the infant went through the windshield. Three points.

JACK (V.O.)
A new car built by my company leaves somewhere travelling at 60 miles per hour. The rear differential locks up.

TECHNICIAN #2
(pointing delicately with his biro)
The teenager's braces around the back seat ashtray would make a good "anti-smoking" ad.

JACK (V.O.)
The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now: do we initiate a recall?

TECHNICIAN #1
The father must've been huge. See how the fat burnt into the driver's seat with his polyester shirt? Very "modern art."

JACK (V.O.)
Take the number of vehicles in the field, (A), and multiply it by the probable rate of failure, (B), then multiply the result by the average out-of-court settlement, (C). A times B times C

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - JUST AFTER TAKE-OFF

Jack is speaking to the BUSINESSWOMAN next to him.

JACK
(with quiet humour)
Equals X... If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.

BUSINESS WOMAN
Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?

JACK
(with dark relish)
Oh, you wouldn't believe.

BUSINESS WOMAN
... Which... car company do you work for?

JACK
(smiling and perky)
A major one.

Turgid silence. Jack puts a fork to his mouth and pauses, turning to the window. An appallingly cynical smirk crosses his face, as he watches the runway lights bank away from him.
Every time the plane banked too sharply on take-off or landing, I , I prayed for a crash, or a mid-air collision -- anything.

Jack watches the lights suddenly HIT THE PLANE. He jumps a little but remains calm as the side of the plane is ripped away. A man is sucked out of the cabin, still in his chair. DEbris whirls, people scream. Jack watches all this, detached. he even turns round to watch the carnage behind him.

JACK (V.O.)
Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.

DING! -- the seatbelt light goes OUT. Jack SNAPS AWAKE.
EVERYTHING IS NORMAL. Some passengers get out of their seats. From next to Jack, a VOICE we've heard before...

VOICE
(reading)
"If you have trouble opening the emergency exit, please ask to be re-seated by a member of staff"

JACK
That's a lot of responsibility.

JACK (V.O.)
This is how I met --

TYLER
Tyler Durden.

Tyler offers his hand. Jack takes it.

TYLER
You know why they have oxygen masks on planes?

JACK
To help you breathe?

TYLER
(very calm, with an undercurrent of amusement)
Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant, panicked breaths...

Tyler grabs a safety instruction CARD from the seatback, hands it to Jack.

TYLER
Suddenly, you become euphoric. Docile. You accept your fate.

Tyler points to passive faces on the drawn figures.

TYLER
Emergency water landing, 600 miles per hour. Blank faces - calm as Hindu cows.

Jack laughs.

JACK
What do you do, Tyler?

TYLER
What do you mean?

JACK
(with an odd, quirky expression)
I mean -- for a living.

TYLER
Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?

JACK
(to himself)
Okay then...

Jack laughs. Tyler reaches under the seat in front of him and lifts
a BRIEFCASE.

TYLER
You have that kind of sick desperation in your life?

Jack points to his own briefcase.

JACK
We have exactly the same briefcase.

Tyler pops the latches and raises the lid to reveal quaintly-wrapped bars of SOAP.

TYLER
Soap -- the yardstick of civilisation. (reaches in his pocket) I make and I sell soap...

Tyler hands Jack his card. "THE PAPER STREET SOAP COMPANY." in quaint lettering.

TYLER
If you were to add nitric acid to the soap-making process, one would get nitro-glycerine. With enough soap, one could blow up the world... if one were so inclined.

Tyler SNAPS the briefcase shut. Jack stares.

JACK
Tyler, you are by far the most interesting "single-serving" friend I've ever met.

Tyler stares back, blandly, or maybe with shattering sarcasm. Jack, enjoying his own chance to be witty, leans closer to Tyler.

JACK
You see, when you travel, everything is small, self-contained--

TYLER
Oh, I get it. You're very clever.

JACK
(knowing it's a rise, but trying to out-cool him)
Thank you.

TYLER
How's that working out for you?

JACK
What?

TYLER
Being clever.

JACK
(thrown)
Well, uh... great.

TYLER
Keep it up, then. Keep it right up.

Tyler stands, looks towards the aisle.

TYLER
Now a question of etiquette... As I squeeze past, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Tyler moves to the aisle, his ass toward Jack, walks away...

Tyler goes to the curtain dividing First Class, (giving the air- hostess 'the crotch') slaps the curtain aside and sits in an empty seat. Jack watches.

JACK (V.O.)
How I came to live with Tyler is: airlines have this policy about vibrating luggage.

INT. BAGGAGE CLAIM AREA - NIGHT

Utterly empty of baggage. Jack forlornly watches the carousel, then walks to the SECURITY TASK FORCE MAN. The Security TFM, smirking, holds a receiver to his ear from an official phone on the wall.

JACK
Was it ticking?

SECURITY TFM
(to Jack)
Throwers don't worry about ticking. Modern bombs don't tick.

JACK
Excuse me? "Throwers?"

SECURITY TFM
Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.

JACK
Excuse me, my suitcase was vibrating?

SECURITY TFM
Nine time out of ten, it's an electric razor. But, every once in a while ... (whispers) ...it's a dildo. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We use the indefinite article: "A dildo." Never "Your dildo."

The security man looks directly at Jack as he says this.

JACK
I don't own a ... never mind.

Jack sees, through the window, Tyler, at the curb, throwing his briefcase into the back of a shiny, red CONVERTIBLE. Tyler leaps over the door into the driver's seat and PEELS OUT. Jack turns away, looks at the Security TFM.

In the background, a HARRIED MAN dashes after Tyler and the convertible, SCREAMING.

JACK
(V.O)
I had everything in that bag. My C.K. shirts... my D.K.N.Y shoes...

He walks sadly away from the security man, who is still smugly on the phone.

INT. TAXI - MOVING - NIGHT

Along a residential street. Jack looks ahead, sees a tall, grey, bland BUILDING on the corner.
("Pearson Apartments - A Place To Be Somebody")

JACK (V.O.)
Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next- door neighbour lets her hearing aid go and has to watch game shows at full volume...

The taxi turns a corner and Jack sees the front of the building. A diffuse CLOUD of SMOKE wafts away from a BLOWN- OUT SECTION of the fifteenth floor. FIRETRUCKS, POLICE CARS and a MOB are all crowded around the lobby area.

JACK (V.O.)
-- Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out your floor- to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night.

EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF BUILDING

Jack, gaping at the sight above him, absently gives the Cabbie money. The taxi pulls away.
Jack turns away from the carnage with an expression we ought to call shock, but which actually looks more like something else.

Jack starts toward the building. He pushes through the fray of people, into the...

INT. LOBBY

The DOORMAN sees Jack enter, gives a look of respectful pity, shakes his head. Jack starts for the elevator.

DOORMAN
There's nothing up there.

Jack presses the button. The Doorman moves next to him.

DOORMAN
You can't go into the unit. Police orders.

The elevator doors open. Jack hesitates. The doors close. Jack heads out the lobby doors. The Doorman follows...

EXT. CONDO BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
Jack walks past SMOKING, CHARRED DEBRIS -- a flash of h of ORANGE from the Yang table, a CLOCK FACE from the hall clock, part of an arm from the GREEN ARMCHAIR. His feet CRUNCH glass.
The FRIDGE lies on its side with MUSTARD staining the door.

JACK (V.O.)
How embarrassing. A houseful of condiments and no food.

DOORMAN
(as if to the recently bereaved)
Do you have somebody you can call?

CLOSE SHOT - JACK'S STOVE
Hissing.

JACK (V.O.)
The police would later tell me that the pilot light might have gone out... letting out just a little bit of gas.

EXT. PAYPHONE - RESUMING

Jack gets to a PAYPHONE.
Jack picks up the receiver, puts in a quarter. He looks at Marla's number a long moment.

(He calls it)

MARLA
Who is this? I can hear you breathing, you asshole...

Jack hangs up the phone and rummages in his coat pocket.

CLOSE SHOT - JACK'S ENTIRE CONDO - KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM. THE CAMERA GOES FROM THE COOKER'S GAS OUTLET, DOWN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE AND INTO THE MOTOR.

The SOUND of the HISS...

JACK (V.O.)
The gas could have slowly filled the condo. Seventeen-hundred square feet with high ceilings, for days and days.

INSERT - CLOSE ON THE BASE OF JACK'S REFRIGERATOR

JACK (V.O.)
Then, the refrigerator's compressor could have clicked on...

Click. KABOOM! SCREEN GOES WHITE.

EXT. PAYPHONE - RESUMING

Jack finds Tyler's BUSINESS CARD in his pocket. Jack stares at Tyler's card.

JACK (V.O.)
If you asked me now, I couldn't tell you why I called him.

Jack re-deposits the quarter, dials Tyler's number. It RINGS... and RINGS and RINGS. Jack sighs and hangs up the phone. A moment, then the phone RINGS.

Jack turns slowly towards the phone, looking tense.

JACK
Hello?

TYLER'S VOICE
Who's this?

JACK
Tyler?

TYLER'S VOICE
(obviously eating a bag of crisps)
Who's this?

JACK
Uh... I'm sorry. We met on the plane. We had the same briefcase. I'm... you know, the clever guy.

TYLER'S VOICE
Oh, yeah.

JACK
I just called a second ago. There was no answer. I'm at a payphone.

TYLER'S VOICE
I star-sixty-nined you. I never pick up my phone. What's up?

JACK
You're not going to believe this...

EXT. LOU'S TAVERN - NIGHT

A small building in the middle of a concrete parking lot.

INT. LOU'S TAVERN - SAME

Jack and Tyler sit in the back, with a pitcher of BEER.

JACK
You buy furniture. You tell yourself: this is the last sofa I'll ever need. No matter what else happens, I've got the sofa issue handled. Then, the right set of dishes. The right dinette.

Tyler lights a cigarette.

TYLER
Shit, man, now it's all gone.

JACK
All gone.

Tyler offers cigarettes. Jack declines.

JACK
I don't smoke

TYLER
Could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're asleep and toss it out the window of a moving car.

JACK
There's always that.

TYLER
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's a terrible tragedy for you.

JACK
...no ...no ...

TYLER
I mean, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for modern living.

Jack laughs, nods. He shakes his head, drinks.

JACK
My insurance'll cover it anyway.

TYLER
Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the list.

JACK
What list?

TYLER
The "now I get to go out and buy the exact same stuff all over again" list. That list.

JACK
I don't... think so.

TYLER
This time maybe get a widescreen TV. You'll be occupied for weeks.

JACK
Well, I have to file a claim...

TYLER
(momentous pause)
The things you own end up owning you.

Jack looks thoughtful, as well he might.

EXT. OUTSIDE BAR
They are both a little loose, but not badly drunk.

JACK
(looks at watch)
God, it's late. I should find a hotel...

TYLER
A hotel?

JACK
Yeah.

TYLER
So, you called me up, because you just wanted to have a drink before you... go find a hotel?

JACK
I don't follow...

TYLER
Three pitchers of beer and you still can't ask.

JACK
Huh?

TYLER
You called me so you could have a place to stay.

JACK
Oh, look, no, I...

TYLER
Why don't you cut the foreplay and ask if you can stay at my place?

JACK
Would that be a problem?

TYLER
Is it a problem for you to ask?

JACK
Can I stay at your place?

TYLER
Sure.

JACK
Thank you.

TYLER
You're welcome. But first I want you to do me a favour.

JACK
What's that?

TYLER
I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Freeze picture.

JACK (V.O.)
Let me tell you a little bit about Tyler Durden.

EXTREME CLOSE-UP - FILM FRAME

-- And we see it's PORNOGRAPHY.

INT. PROJECTIONIST ROOM - THEATRE - NIGHT

Jack, in the foreground, FACES CAMERA. In the BACKGROUND, Tyler sits at a bench, looking at individual FRAMES cut from movies. Near him, a PROJECTOR rolls film.

JACK
(straight to camera in a chatty tone. He looks quite healthy for a change)
Tyler was a night person. He sometimes worked as a projectionist. A movie doesn't come in one big reel, it's on a few. In old theatres, two projectors are used, so someone has to change projectors at the exact second when one reel ends and another reel begins. Sometimes you can see two dots on screen in the upper right hand corner...

Tyler points to the side of OUR FRAME and the TWO DOTS briefly APPEAR ONSCREEN.

TYLER
(his back to us, splicing, but still talking to us)
In the trade, we call them "cigarette burns."

JACK
It's called a "changeover." The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.

TYLER
Why would anyone want this shitty job?

JACK
It affords him other interesting opportunities.

TYLER
-- Like splicing single frames from adult movies into family films.

JACK
In reel three, right after the courageous dog and the snooty cat -- who have celebrity voices -- eat out of a garbage can, there's the flash of Tyler's contribution...

In the AUDIENCE, CHILDREN suddenly start squirming, confused, looking at each other.

More soon... back