In a Tokyo Hotel a sign reads: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing, is please not to read notice.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Another reads: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In a Yugoslavian hotel a sign reads: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby a notice reads: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel opposite a Russian Orthodox monestary: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly News: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order you summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Outside a Paris dress shop a notice board reads: Dresses for street walking.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: ladies may have a fit upstairs please.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a laundry in Rome a sign in the window reads: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Hong Kong supermarket a notice reads: For your convenience, we recommend courteous and efficient self-service.
An advertisement by a dentist in Karachi: Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In a Vienna Hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
In a hotel in Zurich: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish restaurant: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisements for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like a ride on your own ass?
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
A sign posted in Germany'sBlack Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.