Way back in the mists of time (well, 1990 anyway) Xav had the bright idea to hold an annual jam in honour of St. Celia, the patron saint of music. For a more in depth history of the band, see "A Brief History Of Lovestickdom".

Part of the initial concept was to change the name of the band for each recording, and to give each jam a name. So it was that the first jam was called "Conference In Bournemouth", and was perfomed by "Xavier Moonchild & The Baby Bashing Badgers On Broccoli", with the second day of it becoming known as "Doing Wheelies" by "Xavier Moonchild & The Three Double Disk Drives On A Bicycle". In subsequent years, the titles became a little more toned down!

These two jams were recorded, and to date are the only jams to have had an "official" release (though I am working on changing this situation). For the first of these two monumentous events, therefore, I will quote directly from the cassette inlay card:

"Conference In Bournemouth" is a recording of the first annual St. Celia's Day jam session, held by kind permission of Mr. Brown in his office at Aylesbury Grammar School on 22/11/1990. The original conception of this jam was by Xavier Moonchild, and in accordance with his wishes this recording is subject to the following requests: Should this recording ever be sold or auctioned, all money raised, less administrative fees, should go to charity - preferably a charity associated with music, as we are sure St. Celia would have wished."

The track listing for "Conference" was as follows:

Spacey

A sort of spacey number really. Lots of over use of the Korg M1's "Universe" voice, but quickly moving into something more up tempo, via a roaring guitar noise. This piece suffers from the same problem as every other piece in this jam - unknown to us at the time, the drums were only being picked up by Xav's microphone - which he unfortunately had the tendency to turn off!

This piece also features Xav introducing an element of the discontinuity and disorientation faced by an astronaut as they break through the atmosphere, and wasn't really just an example of how abysmally he plays the flageolet! He does a marginally better job with the Jews harp, which features towards the end of the piece.

Shanty

Well, what can I say - apart from "DON'T LISTEN TO IT!". It starts badly, with a twee (and badly played) piece by Xav on the flageolet (penny whistle), then gradually declines from there! Miraculously, if you listen to it a lot, it actually grows on you, because you start to listen in expectation for those bad notes (and there are enough of them!).

A brave attempt at saving this piece by Joe, Xan and Dave, but Xav really did take it beyond the edge. It does make a good candidate for "Name that Tune" though, since it passes through several others on its way - the most notable being "My Girl" and "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother".

This song has one redeeming feature, however, in that it spawned what is possibly the best thing about St. C's - The Golden Flageolet Award for bad playing.

Guitary

A chance for Jeff to show off. Some nice playing, given the "taxing" circumstances. What more can I say.

Oh No! (Remix)

Well, the music room, with only four people in it, certainly makes for a good echo! And good feedback too! This piece is not even remotely like the original music for "Oh No!", so Xav was sort of trying his best to fit the lyrics in whilst letting the others know what was going on.

This is a good example of why Xav should never be let too near to a microphone (especially with a Jews harp as well).

This piece was actually recorded as part of the "Doing Wheelies" session, but was included in this part of the tape by Joseph (i.e. no reason given).

Patchbay Pavlova

Again, actually part of the "Doing Wheelies" session, this was possibly the best thing to come out of the jams. Just Joe, Xan and Dave proving that they really can play, and it's just Xav that drags them down!

If there are any really obsessive fans out there (a hard concept to believe, I know), or just anyone with a desire for more information, they may have taken the time to discover that the very first St. Celia's Day Jam took place on a Thursday (the 22nd November, 1990). The very observant amongst you may have noticed that the following day was therefore a Friday. Are you all with me so far?

It wasn't just any Friday, however. This was a "Baker Day", named after Kenneth Baker, once the Minister For Education. It is a term which I have never really liked, so I prefer to call it by its correct term (which should also help non UK readers) of a "teacher training day". The effect of such a day is that all the kids get a day off school.

Two of the people who hung around the music room took this opportunity to ask Mr. Brown (the school's music teacher, and part time cupboard inspector) if they could go into the school for the day, in order to compose in peace. These two people were Joseph Nash, and David Murphy.

On that very same day, Xav had gone to visit his friend Xan (Alexander Eardley), who happened to live directly opposite the school. They decided to go and pester Joe and Dave, to see how they were progressing with their composition.

Joe and Dave had managed to get quite a bit done, so when Xav and Xan arrived, they decided to have a break. Following the success (in that they enjoyed themselves - not musical success!) of the previous days jam, it was decided that they should hold a second "mini jam". Anyone who has heard the first jam (in its original order) will have noticed that Xav is not exactly an expert at making up lyrics on the spot - he's the sort of Tony Slattery of the Lovestick world. Consequently he wrote some lyrics immediately before each song, so retaining the spontaneity, but without the major cock-ups.

This second jam is what eventually became known as "Doing Wheelies", and is generally considered along with "Conference" as part of the first ever St. Celia's Day Jam.

The track listing for "Doing Wheelies" is as follows:

10' Nose (Remix)

As the first line proclaims "This next song is dedicated to Charles Clarke". The reason for this is that the original version had been made up on the fly at the first jam, and Charles (mistakenly) though it was about him. We therefore decided to dedicate it to him.

This version was perfomed on the second day after a minor rewrite, in order for it to make some sense. The original version was also compiled onto this same side of the tape in order for some sort of comparison.

Family Ties

With incredible skill, dexterity, and cries of "what's going on?!", this song was tacked onto the end of "10' Nose". The lyrics are useless, the music isn't that much better, and it contains a couple of private jokes that no-one else gets, and I barely remember. One to avoid.

Thrashing Mandi

Xan comes from a very musical family, and a few weeks before the jam, his mother had found an old round backed mandolin in the loft. Already Xan had taught himself some chords, and was very proud of his "thrash mandolin" style of playing. This song was written in order to let him show it off to the world, but I couldn't let the title pass me by without some sort of dodgy inference. Thus, "Thrashing Mandi", a piece which we occasionally resurrect when we're bored, was born.

The Lovesticks doing punk? Who'd of thought it?

Do You Sell Grapefruit?

A comedy piece which I quite like, but no-one else seems to. This was one of the songs performed at The Lovesticks first gig, to much amusement amongst Xav's friends, and much bemusement amongst everyone else, as Xav played out the parts by swapping hats (a trilby and a fez, of all combinations!).

It has improved since this first ever version, but is still remarkably similar.

By the way, if you ever hear this version, you may notice the occasional background flutey sound. This was because Xan decided to wander around the music room whilst playing, rather than stick by his microphone, an affliction which seems to affect him on a regular basis, and was particularly pronounced during the 1995 jam.

10' Nose (Original)

Actually from "Conference", this was made up as we went along - and it shows! Some marvellous noises as Xav reels back in his chair, covering his face and shouting "Oh no..." with the realisation of how bad the lyrics that he just made up are.

This features Xan on the aforementioned mandolin, and is perhaps the worst sufferer of the "drums coming through the microphone" problem (i.e. Xav turned his mic off!).

Hit Me!

Oficially called "Hit Me! (Final Soundz)" because we were (are?) sad like that, this was just a snippet from the first jam when Joseph made the mistake of trying to promote some musical input with the phrase "Hit me!"

Xan hit him.

The following information was taken directly from the cassette inlay card:

Xavier Moonchild (the long haired tax exile from Norwich)

Badly played flageolet, mis-timed Jews harp, silent kazoo, dodgy vocals, socketless Yamaha CS-01 synth, even more dodgy lyrics, group titles, original St. Celia's day jam concept, general administration, and, of course, even even more dodgy hairstyle

Xan "Kylie's gone reggae!!!???!?!" Eardley

Yamaha V50 synth (with AWM expander), Yamaha Clavinova and both normal and thrash mandolins

Flange (AKA Joseph "hey, what sort of incense is that - it smells just like a burning mixer" Nash)

Yamaha B200, Korg M1, a marginal tickle of the Clav', and Xan's V50 (during "Thrashing Mandi")

Doogie (erm...sorry, David) Murphy

Korg M1 (one of the few people who can use its' drum sounds without the whip) and B200 (check out the funky playing on "Ten Foot Nose").

And on "Conference..." only:-

Jeff "What am I doing here? Who are these amateurs?" Holmes

Funky pink stringy thingy (that's guitar to the English speaking world (and Scotland))

Charles "National Hero" Clark

Yamaha 4-track recorder (he can get sounds out of it that you wouldn't imagine) and inspiration for "Ten Foot Nose"

Of course Charles wasn't really the inspiration for "Ten Foot Nose", and didn't even have a particularly large nose, but it made him paranoid, so we kept up the pretence. Also, Xan played flute during "Do You Sell Grapefruit", but was not credited for it (possibly because he was playing it miles from the mic).

In addition to all the text mentioned previously in this section, the inlay card also contained a contact address for "An Amazing Anchovy Recordings" (Xav's own "label"), a copyright notice, an advert for Xav's debut album, "Rolled Too Cold" (still not available!) and the following statements, which are included here for completeness:-

Engineered by Flange & Xan

Recorded in Anchovophonic Stereo by a big blue kangaroo

No, we don't really know why either.